51 and Still Standing: Reflections on the Past Year and the Gift of Life

Here I am...51 years old. 

If you had told me years ago that I’d be sitting here at this age, reflecting on life with a mix of gratitude, humor, and a bit of “what the hell just happened?”, I’m not sure I would’ve believed you. Back then, I figured that by now, I’d be living a life that looked a lot different—maybe meditating on a mountaintop or planning my next great adventure, while sipping herbal tea and avoiding all things stressful. But instead, here I am, still figuring things out, still learning how to juggle my caffeine and nicotine intake like a seasoned pro. (I’ll admit it, some vices never go away.)

As I reflect on my 50th year, I’ve been especially focused on the events of the last week. It’s funny how easy it is to get stuck replaying the negative moments over and over in my mind. It’s like the mind gravitates toward the things that went wrong, the things I wish I’d done differently. Maybe it’s a habit, or maybe it’s just human nature, but I’ve found myself getting lost in those thoughts, almost like I’m living those negative moments all over again.

But here’s the thing: I’ve been sitting with this and realizing how much I actually have to be grateful for. Sure, there are moments I wish I could erase or rewrite, but the positives far outweigh the negatives. It’s easy to forget that sometimes, especially when you’re in the thick of reflecting on what you think went wrong. But when I take a step back and look at the bigger picture, it’s clear - I have so much to be thankful for.

I’m alive. That’s a gift in itself, isn’t it? 

I’m still here, still breathing, still going through the ups and downs of life. 

I still get to wake up every morning and have the opportunity to make something of the day. I’ve got my health, well mostly (I could do without the random aches and pains), and I’m still able to enjoy all the things that make life worth living. More importantly, I have the continued love and support of my parents. After all these years, they’re still here, still guiding me, still cheering me on. That’s something I can’t take for granted, no matter how many “middle-age moments” I have.

Of course, there are my parental units who are the gift of a lifetime. I don’t think I could ever put into words what their love, guidance, and unwavering support mean to me. They’ve been there through every chapter of my life, offering wisdom when I needed it, a shoulder to lean on when things got tough, and a safe place to return to no matter how far I wandered. Their love is the foundation I stand on, and I am deeply grateful for the way they have always believed in me, even when I couldn’t believe in myself. Their strength, patience, and commitment to our family are the cornerstones of who I am, and I’m lucky beyond measure to have them as parents. To be able to celebrate another year of life with them by my side is a blessing that never gets old. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that I wouldn’t be where I am today without them—and I wouldn’t trade that gift for anything in the world.

It’s funny, I used to think that by 51, I’d have it all figured out - like the wisdom of the ages would just suddenly hit me and I’d become this wise, centered person who knew exactly what they wanted out of life. Instead, I find myself more aware of how little I actually know. But I’ve also learned that not knowing is okay. In fact, it’s part of the beauty of this journey. The uncertainty, the questions, the bumps along the way...they all add layers to the story of my life.

I guess this is what "middle age" is all about. I’m not in my twenties anymore, where everything felt like it was unfolding at a rapid pace. Now, I’m in this sweet spot where I can look back on the past with a clearer perspective and look ahead with a sense of curiosity about what’s next:  dreams I want to chase, places I want to go, people I want to meet. But there’s also so much to appreciate about where I am right now.

One of the biggest gifts I’ve gotten in this phase of life is the ability to just be. To slow down and enjoy the little moments that I might have missed when I was younger, rushing from one thing to the next. The quiet mornings with a cup of coffee, the simple conversations with friends and family, the moments of laughter that remind me life is still fun, even in the messiness of it all.

And while I’m reflecting on gratitude, I also have to acknowledge the people who have been there through it all: my parents, my friends, and everyone who has shown me love and support. I don’t think I tell them enough how much that means to me. The people who laugh with me, cry with me, and share the highs and lows of life are truly a gift. I’m thankful for them every single day, even when life gets crazy and I forget to express it.

Damian, the love of my life. This is the fifth birthday we’ve celebrated together, and I still can’t fully express just how much he means to me. Damian is the kind of person who never stops having my back. No matter what’s going on in his own life, he always shows up for me; whether it's lending a hand when I can’t help myself, listening when I need to talk, or simply offering a reassuring hug when I don’t have the words. His love is a steady force, always present, always unconditional. What I admire most about him is the way he loves me correctly without expectation, without an ulterior motive, just pure, selfless love. I don’t think I could ask for anything more in this life than his unwavering support and his genuine affection. If I lived another 100 years, I’d want him by my side for every birthday, every challenge, every triumph. Because, in all honesty, life with him is the gift I didn’t even know I was waiting for.

Looking back at my 50th year, I realize that while there were challenges - some big, some small - it was also a year full of growth, learning, and yes, a fair amount of laughter. There were moments where I stumbled, and others where I really surprised myself. And isn’t that what life is all about? Being brave enough to face the unknown, to make mistakes, and then to get back up again?

So, here’s to 51. 

Here’s to the wisdom that comes with surviving all those years and lessons. 

Here’s to the privilege of being alive, of being able to keep going, keep learning, and keep laughing. 

Here’s to the people who make life worth living and the experiences that remind me that every year is a gift.

I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be. But I am here. I’m engaged. I’m alive. And I’m incredibly grateful for everything that’s come before and everything that’s yet to come.

Cheers to another year of reflection, love, and the wonderful chaos of life.

You matter to me and I love you.